"There is no God,"
I saw the shadowy form of a woman coming into the room through the
casement as through a French-window. She approached quickly and
noiselessly. There she stood, near the foot of my bed, without touching
it. She had wide sleeves, and her hands were crossed inside them. I
could not see her face because she seemed to have a sort of cowl on her
head, something I had never seen before. She may simply have had her
veil lowered. She was tall and straight-out of breath and panting as if
she had been running, and from time to time she turned her head towards
the window by which she had entered, as though someone were waiting for
her outside. It seemed to me that she wore a plain cord as a belt. She
had no cloak. Her robe fell straight. I believe it was dark brown, but I
may be mistaken. I saw an outline rather than specific details. "
"...The
nun who came near to my bed in that way frightened me very much. I
thought it was death in person who had come for me! It was not a ghost
or an illusion. It was a human being. I could have touched her. I saw
her breathe and turn her head. I was petrified with fear. I was just
able to turn my head to the other side and shut my eyes, so that I would
no longer be able to see her. She must have stayed part of the night,
for later when I awoke after having dozed awhile, it seemed to me that
she was still there. I quickly closed my eyes again in order not to see
her any more! She said nothing-yet a ray of light had penetrated into my
despair: "Before losing all hope in God, there is still one thing I can
do: I will go and pray in a convent. I will go when my aunt, my little
Mother (she who brought us up), no longer needs me-and when my father
dies-there is no use causing him that sorrow."
"The decision was
taken, in my mind and in my will. Henceforth, I kept some plain
underclothing in the bottom of a trunk, and never touched it: it was set
aside for the time when I would enter the convent. That was definitely
settled.-But I did not say a word about it to anyone. The next morning
all I said to my friend was that during the night I had seen a statue at
the foot of my bed-a nun. "
"Was it a vocation? It was the
exclusive cause of an irresistible attraction towards the cloister,
which was not thought out, but experienced. It changed my life. How many
times have I wished that I had not that attraction which cost me so
many journeyings and so many sacrifices! It was the will of God. I could
have escaped from it, because I did not at all see it as the will of
God, which I was seeking in a groping way. But then I would have lost an
inner peace deep within myself.-A peace without which I could not live.
"
Thus began her difficulty spiritual journey into the Catholic
church and later into religious life as a Poor Clare Nun. Eventually,
she began being guided by an "Inner Voice", Who was full of love and
concern for her, and who led her,little by little, into a greater union
with Him. Asked by her spiritual director to faithfully write all the
words that our Lord spoke to her, thankfully we now have a most edifying
and inspirational treasure of spiritual direction as given to us by our
Lord Himself.
Words of our Lord to Sister Mary of the Holy Trinity
"To
find Me, to know Me, to receive Me, then to come to Me -that is the
only meaning of every life. All activities, all zeal are subordinate to
that, and have only the value of means, in the measure in which they
lead to Me. I am the Alpha and Omega, your God and your All. How is it
then that in so many lives, I am accepted and treated merely as
something supplementary?
"People come to Me in distress,
beseeching... and I always, always give...Where are those who love Me
simply because I am the Savior, because I am your God and your
All?..because I am the Alpha and the Omega...?"
"Oh, if you would
leave Me to act; I would wonderfully transform each one of your lives.
But you oppose Me by your desires, your tastes, your resistance. My
omnipotent Love is limited by the limit of your generosity.
At least, do not you resist, My little daughter; be generous to the end ... "
“My
enemies are lying, especially that lack of sincerity which paralyzes so
many souls, because they will not acknowledge to themselves their most
hidden intentions; carelessness and ignorance due to laziness;
agitation, disorder; noise: noise of words, noise of selfish desires,
the noise that men invent to distract themselves and to forget Me. My
friends are: truth; sincerity; silence; order, and that respect which
discovers Me in all creatures."
(November 6,1941) "You should
believe what I say; why do you doubt? Have I ever deceived you on even
one single occasion? Yes, believe Me, in spite of all appearances; then
your soul will be free and happy."
"Those who love Me a little,
have a little confidence in Me. Those who love Me much, have great
confidence in Me. Those who place no limit to their love have a
confidence in Me without bounds or limit. I cannot disappoint them. You
honor Me more by the confidence you show Me than by all that you could
give Me. And notice, I respond at once by putting joy into the heart
that honors Me with confidence."
"As I am happy, yes, happy to
show you the marks of My Passion -see how your God has loved you! -Will
you not also be happy to show Me the marks of your love...? "Oh, if you
knew how I long for you! Not to reproach you, but to overwhelm you with
joy in showing you the marks of My love... "
"People have a false
idea of Me. They take Me for a master who distributes his favors at his
caprice and who enforces His will. Do you understand that I enforce
nothing? I am powerless before your liberty. It is I who beg for your
love. Look at Me gasping for breath upon the Cross; behold My royalty! I
have expiated your sins, but I do not even force you to believe it. I
show you My Passion -does it speak to you? -and I wait. Behold My
Divinity; -an indefatigable patience. Throughout the centuries I await
souls. I never refuse them. Ask to know Me better.
Do the same with
your life. Make reparation; expiate; love without asking for anything in
return; and wait patiently until you too are loved. Never refuse to
give love. It is I whom you honor and serve so tenderly; I have such
need of it."
“I passed through the world doing good-I brought
peace, order, kindness, an easy kindness. I healed the sick; I forgave
sins; I gave joy, true joy, tranquil joy. I brought the Beatitudes. I
revealed God. It is because men do not know Him that they do not love
God. You must reveal God. That is charity.”
"I am sought as so
far away, whereas I am so near. You have only to descend into your heart
and listen. Do you understand how much I am with you,
in you? As soon as you call me, I answer. I am always present. What do you lack?"
"Happy
are the families and convents that have sick members! Because by being
visited, the sick safeguard the practice of gentleness and patience;
they expiate; they bear My likeness, the image of Christ suffering in
His Church. To comfort them in the spirit of faith is to perform a work
of reparation in the Church -the reparation I expect from those who love
Me. A house where there are no sick runs the risk of living more for
itself than for Me. I am always more sensitive, more active where there
is suffering, because there I am welcomed, I am listened to...”
"Just
as storms are necessary in nature, so are they necessary in every
living soul. Do not lose your serenity on account of those who are being
tried. Pray for them; offer the sufferings of My Passion and some acts
of self-denial, some self-imposed sufferings for them."
"I ask
only for love. Ah, what are you doing about it?... Give Me your heart
-your whole heart. And do you not also wish to give Me your life? I
desire it, I have need of it. It is such a great thing to belong to Me!
What does anything else matter to you? Be full of joy at belonging to
Me. I want you to be altogether Mine!"
"Love, love your Sisters. Love your Superiors much; they have need of it. But in silence...."
"The
pettinesses of the cloister are inevitable, but those who love Me take
no notice of them. Your real cloister, without boundaries, is My Heart;
it is your refuge and your cradle. It is always open; it is always
awaiting you. It will give you joy, strength, meekness, love. For I wish
you to be joyous and strong, irresistibly loving, and very meek."
"Am I not enough for You? Is it not sufficient for you to know that your Jesus loves you?”
"Oh, how full I am of compassion! and how I desire
-I need- the generosity of some to make reparation for others. It is love that makes reparation"
"I
love you because you are so, so wretched. Do you not feel how much I
love you? I love you because you cannot do without me, and because I
long to see you happy; I love you because I have given my life for you."
"Do
not be disturbed at repeating to your Father [spiritual director
–editor] what I say to you; there is nothing extraordinary in it. I
speak to each soul; if there are some who do not hear Me, it is because
they do not listen to Me. There must be a profound silence, because My
Voice is soft. The soul must be freed from all engrossing thoughts; I
must be loved in spirit and in truth -the whole being must be in the
truth. Yes, it is I who speak to you; why do you not believe Me? Have I
ever deceived you? All that I have told you has come to pass."
"You
have too many little things: give them away, simplify your belongings
-to just what is necessary. Leave to others what is unnecessary, the
care of trifles. As for yourself, love Me! I wish you to be poor,
altogether Mine.”
"The Saints attracted many souls to My Church
by the radiance of their sanctity. You cannot do that. It does not
matter. Give Me everything; I will use what you give Me to attract many
souls to My Church."
(Good
Shepherd Sunday, 2nd Sunday after Easter, 1940). "Make Me a present, My
little fiancee, of all the unnecessary words you do not speak, of every
object that is not indispensable, that you can do without, even if
allowed, of all weariness, suffering, that others will never guess, and
which you will hide, to prove your love to Me, and because I have such
need of your gifts!"
(April 27, 1940. Holy Communion). "Kindness
.. Indulgence ... Keep your soul free and trans¬parent, above the
troubles, cares, and misunderstandings which the cloister produces...
Teach, only by example. Silence, silence in the Heart of your God."
(After
my Profession, August 29th 1940; “You are Mine- you are altogether Mine
... Do not go away. Stay with Me, in Me who never leave you. I have
waited so long for you. This is the only reality: I love you and I take
care of you. And that is for now and for eternity.”
"If you give
Me nothing, I am not able to do the good which I leave to your
initiative. Give Me the tiny seed of your sacrifices, of your efforts; I
will make it fruitful. But give Me the seed. Do not lose a moment, not a
single occasion of offering to Me all that I send you. My grace does
not leave you for an instant: welcome it. I want My heaven to fill your
soul, your cell, your convent."
"I am happy because you have come
at last. I await many others like yourself in My Church, in My house.
To attract them, do all that I tell you."
"The future is Mine, what do you fear?"
'The night, the night of faith when I am alone.'
"I have given you My Mother to enlighten your way. Look at Her, the Morning Star."
Sister
Mary of the Holy Trinity died a holy death in the Poor Clare Colettine convent in
Jerusalem in 1942, at the age of 41. ~Sister Mary of the Holy Trinity,
pray for us!
"Yes, I
have made Myself so truly your Brother that I have willed that you
should have the same Father as I, and that my Mother should become your
Mother. Love does not keep for Itself those whom It loves; It gives them
away."